What do you do when you can't fix everyone's problems?
*Please drink and slap responsibly.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been a “fixer”. No matter the problem, I could always find a solution. I could help significant others come to a compromise, I could help people choose a job offer, I could convince my college friends to study in exchange for a home-cooked dinner. But over the years, I’ve realized that I can’t fix everything. I can’t cure cancer. I can’t get in a time machine and change people’s past decisions. I can’t bring anyone back to life. Now that I talk about it, I feel a lot like the genie from Aladdin (RIP Robin Williams). I can’t ease the hurt of a break up. I can’t force broken bones to heal. I can’t make the world forget about disasters.
Dealing with the inability to fix situations has been a huge source of anxiety for me. I like being in control of everything - that’s probably why I’ve been a successful marketing coordinator, I can control every detail of every aspect of each campaign. However, part of life is not being able to control everything. People make their own decisions, life runs its course, and the universe just happens sometimes. Here are some ideas to try to let yourself lose control and just be a pillar of support instead of a band-aid.
Cry It Out
Sometimes the best thing for a friend is someone to cry with. When you’re hurting, having someone hurt
with you or help to make you not feel so alone can be so profound. To have such a connection with another person who can feel what you feel can ease the pain. Even if you can’t exactly relate to what your friend is going through, a good cry can be so cleansing. Get it all out - the frustration of being unable to fix your friend’s problem, the anxiety of losing control, the hurt you feel for them. Tears are the body’s version of rain after an outdoor food fight, it cleans the marinara off the spaghetti noodles so they’re easier to pick up and throw away.
Be Firm
When I’m upset, I literally will continue to be upset until someone (usually my best friend) tells me to knock that shit off. And that’s okay. Knocking the sense into people is what the Irish are famous for, right? I vividly remember a time when I was having a panic attack (hyperventilating, repetitive thoughts, severely raised heart rate) and I got a cup of water thrown in my face. Did it help? Absolutely not. Did I laugh about it later? Absolutely. Even though it didn’t work that time, a quick slap in the face has definitely helped before.
Distract
Pretty much any experience I have, I turn into either a blog post or a joke. It’s not really to deflect (yes it is), it’s more to get people who are in similar situations to know there is a) someone out there who feels exactly the same way and b) to lighten the situation up. My favorite way to find a solution to anything, even if the solution is to just let something take its course, is to make a joke about it. Not only does it lighten the mood, but it distances the person from the situation in order for them to look at it more logically and make an informed decision.
Be an Enabler (Kind of)
Drink, eat, be merry, and drink more. I’m well aware of the phrase, “Never drink to make yourself feel better. Drink to make yourself feel even better.” As my uncle would say, that shit just don’t cut it *swig of Budweiser*. To work some stuff out, you gotta drank it out. It’s just the way of the world for some people. Personally, I know many people who are unable to really access their emotions and work through anything without alcoholic assistance. And that’s okay. Just don’t get alcohol poisoning. Or call your ex.
Let Yourself Be Angry
Everyone needs alone time. Anyone who says they don’t is a damn liar. If your world is burning all around you, it’s okay to not want to talk to anyone. Just sit in your bed, turn on your twinkle lights, and drink some freakin' Yerba Mate. The caffeine will cause you to want to get up in about an hour and do the next thing.
Stretch. Run. Get Physical.
This is the next thing. Whether its caffeine or alcohol or God knows what else (I don’t judge), you gotta get all that pent up frustration and anger and whatever else out. There is a need for a warning here: utilize SOME control, you don’t want any torn stuffs. Go for a walk with some quick bursts of sprinting, stretch but not too deep, or box with gloves and padding. Safety first, but work that shit out.
Just Let It Happen
It’s like Kaleo sings, “Life is anything but fair.” The real, hard, horrible truth is this: You can’t control everything and everyone. People make their own shitty decisions, death is part of life, and Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sundays. Give yourself a break. Reward yourself for the good stuff that’s happened recently, even if it’s remembering to put a dryer sheet in so your clothes aren’t static-y. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, but the reality is that everything happens. Accept it.
Sharing is Caring If you have any thoughts or feedback or extra knowledge, share it in the comments. The whole point of this blog is to help each other figure it all out!
